Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize