Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
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