Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
