its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
