Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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