i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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