please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
