He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
