i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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