Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
