Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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