I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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