What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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