dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Randomize
