Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
