watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
