I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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