Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
