So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
