First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Houston, we have a squirter
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
