Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
