Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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