I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Randomize
