and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
