everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
