I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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