Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
