This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
