I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
