I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
