Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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