Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
