was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
