Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
