smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
