I just pynch a tree in the face
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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