Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
