i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize