Your face is a jimmy john
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
