i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
