1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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