Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
