Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
