It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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