I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
