tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
