a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
