I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
