1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
