This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize