Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
