What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
