I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
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