My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
