I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I want to fling myself into the sun
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
