I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
