You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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