So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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