That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
