Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize
