i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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