I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
