Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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