I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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