he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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