I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
