Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
3 2 1 whiskey
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
