perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize