Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
