Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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