I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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