he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
