"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
