What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
