So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
