smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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