I'm pants shitting drunk right now
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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